Stop and think

Are you asking youeself: how to be a good listener?

Nowadays, more than ever, we often find ourselves talking to people who seem not to listen to us.

Multitasking, the fast-paced lifestyle, and especially the technology surrounding us have taken control of our lives.

We probably don’t listen without even realizing it, but human beings need to be heard, to be appreciated, and, most importantly, to be understood.

So people who don’t feel listened, experience a sense of frustration, irritation, and feel neglected.

Some people try hard to listen. They want to succeed, they want it too much. They’re so focused on how to be a good listener, that listening becomes an effort, a burden.

And anything that takes effort leads to conflict, becomes a problem, taking over their minds and preventing them from truly listening.
Others, on the other hand, focus solely on the verbal aspect, thus confusing hearing with listening.

Difference between hearing and listening

This happens because, deep down, we know that listening means stopping, finding time, setting aside one thought or another.
And here too, listening becomes yet another problem added to the countless daily concerns.

We want to finish the conversation as quickly as possible, and so, while the other person speaks, we think about what to say, how to respond.

Perhaps even interrupting, mentally disconnecting from the speaker, or simply nodding while engaging in another activity.

This only lowers the level of interest in the conversation on both sides because the other person, sensing a lack of interest, views the discussion as pointless and a waste of time.

We are so absorbed in our own world, perhaps wrapped up in our smartphones, that we see external relationships as a disturbance in our life (or personal space) at that moment.

How can we show interest in the other person?

Before to ask ourselves how to be a good listener, we need to understand that whatever we are doing is worth interrupting.

First of all, it shouldn’t be forced: any human relationship with the people around us is an enrichment, so if you’ve chosen that person to be part of your life, try not to forget the reasons why they are by your side at that moment.

Make eye contact: not only is it a sign of attention, but the eyes convey a great deal of empathy.

Try to clear your mind: just listen. Don’t let yourself be carried away by your thoughts or by thinking about how and what to respond.

There is a time to listen and a time to reflect. You obviously need to interact, so nod, follow the conversation by changing your facial expressions, show that you’re there without speaking… naturally.

Body language should be natural and in harmony with the conversation.

People are connected, continuously

We live in a social network much more than we might believe.
Even before digital social networks, humans have always lived in communion, creating a safe and comfortable environment around them.

“Understanding each other with a glance” is not just a saying; people truly have the ability to sense when something is wrong by looking atthe facial expressions of those around them.

Originally, it was a defense mechanism, an alarm, and a timing signal for escape.
Today, we use it to love those around us, to pick up on even the smallest signs of discomfort in their faces and eyes.

This may seem unnatural, even forced, but we cannot and must not remain closed off solely within our own interests and our own worlds, whether real or virtual.

Let’s make an effort to reconnect with others, and soon we’ll realize that life is more beautiful, that we can benefit from someone else’s happiness, or simply share an emotion with those around us.

Love the people who are next to you, and show them why they are important in your life. This will be your first step on how to be a good listener.